Why Did I Revive This Blog

So I suppose those of you who read my blog before—like, before before—noticed a 2.5 year gap somewhere in between.

At first, I just had this urge to write something, anything, to express what I was feeling then. And in the multitude of social media platforms available to me, I chose my WordPress, which I hadn’t touched or even thought about for more than a year. Why WordPress, you ask?

That post was incredibly angsty and emotional and insecure. I didn’t want anyone I personally knew to be able to read it easily, but I still wanted it out there, I still wanted it read. Maybe that’s my issue. “Personal“.

This is probably cliche and not unusual at all, but I’m really not like this when you meet me personally. At first, if you’re a friend/acquaintance of someone I know, I’m incredibly shy; but if you’re new, a breath of fresh air, I can be the bubbliest person you ever meet. I dunno about these ‘masks’ I wear, but they somehow just snap into place whenever I need it. I don’t think anyone knows what I really am like — it’s a changing concept, even for me. And it’s only during times like this, when I lie down on my bed with my laptop in front of me, that I acknowledge the fact that nobody knows me, not even myself.

The weirdest thing, at least for me, is that that reason was why I chose this platform in the first place. That reason is why I’m writing this post now, at 12:30 in the morning. And why I’ll be scheduling it for 4am, when practically nobody in this time zone will be awake/online.

Is it strange, that when I decided to revamp this blog into a website worth visiting, that I plugged it first to the Klout community in Facebook—a community full of people I don’t know and will probably never meet in this lifetime? Is it strange that I had to tweet “#noshame” to the whole wide world before I turned on the sharing settings, which immediately posts all the new things I write onto Facebook, Twitter, and Tumblr? Is it strange that I’m going to be turning those settings off for this post (except Tumblr, because that’s the kind of place where these posts end up being buried quickly)? Yeah, I guess in a way, it’s strange. But I’m doing it anyway.

#latenightthoughts

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Author: Tracey Yap

Rantings of a raving med student

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