This is…

To that nanny who accused me of pushing her charge down to the ground
For the security guard who believed I didn’t do it

I remember this clearly. We were running around the playground at school when she tripped on a rock, skinned her knee, and started crying. I ran to her at the same time her yaya noticed what was happening. Her yaya ran over to her and picked her up and, when the security guard ran over for first aid, cited me as the source of the wound. And I said no. She tripped on her own, and what you saw was me trying to help her up. This was how, at 5 years old, I got my first taste of injustice. Dear miss, thank you for teaching me how to stand up for myself.

To those critics, who never believed I can make it
For my teachers and tutors, who made sure that I did

I don’t get why I should be ashamed that I had tutors during grade school. I was a bright child, everyone made sure that I knew that, but what I realize now that I probably hadn’t realized then was that I was one lazy ass. And I know I wouldn’t have been here if it hadn’t been for my tutors’ motivations to always let me put my best foot forward.

Special mention to my gymnastics coaches, ballet teachers, and piano teachers: A GREAT BIG THANK YOU for your patience. I was not the best and most willing student. And I have since realized what I would have missed out on, and let me just say that I sincerely regret not paying attention to your teachings before (just imagine, if I had gone through with all of it, I could have been a Milo gymnast/prima ballerina/concert pianist right now!). Thank you for letting me feel like I was more than what I thought.

To the mean girls at school, who only saw me as dirt beneath my feet
For the genuine friends I found,

I will never know what went through my mind when I thought that being with that one clique during elementary seemed like everything to me. Well, I’ve got friends now. Good ones. The memory of those girls are better left to the past now.

To that kuya I’ve had my eye on for the better part of my high school years
For my friends, who supported me in my one-sided love affair :)

I will NEVER forget how hopelessly infatuated I was with the idea of you, because we never really talked. #schoolgirlcrush

Thanks to my loves, who knew and almost always never judged (at least, not harshly). They cheered me on and thought I had a chance when I knew I had none. Love you guys!

To that guy who hurt my best friend
For my best friend, who can still face everyday with a smile :)

Well, screw you. Because I’m the one who picks up the pieces whenever you break her, again and again. You’re better left to the past now, too.

And you, N. Take good care of yourself because I won’t be able to watch you 24/7 (but I’m always a text away! I read those, you know, sometimes I’m just too lazy to reply hehe). Can’t say how many times you’ve kept me sane by just being there to listen to me >:)< (And I know how much you love fun.)

————————————————————————————————————————————————

Here’s a great Nevertheless! to everyone who thought they could break me. Well, newsflash: I’m still here, alive and kicking!

Meeting all these people in my life has made me become a better person, and for that, I will never regret going through everything I’ve been through. I’ll gladly go through them again, if only to learn the things I’ve learned once more. Over and over. As long as it takes. Because I know that after everything, I’ll still be here, ready to go on.

If you’re lost and alone
Or you’re sinking like a stone.
Carry on.
May your past be the sound
Of your feet upon the ground.
Carry on.

xx

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Author: Tracey Yap

Rantings of a raving med student

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