Even A Heart Has A Pointy Edge

\\SECOND TOPIC: Love Status. This was around Valentines, so go figure.\\

INTERNAL MEMORANDUM
WARNING: HIGHLY CLASSIFIED MATERIAL

ONLY THOSE WITH LEVEL ALPHA CLEARANCE
MAY VIEW THIS DOCUMENT.

A Statement

To: Anyone Who Cares To Read
Fr: Me
Re: Special Subject LOVE

It is the opinion of this operative that the abovementioned topic is highly overrated and should totally be axed.

That is, if said operative were a floozy who just recently got dumped. Or just got unlucky in love.

Good thing she is neither.

Okay, enough with all the special ops crap. Truthfully? My love status: totally dead. Never lived, if you want to know. Not that it’s this big secret or something. Is being single such a crime?

With Valentines just passing by, the whole world’s left starstruck, and everyone’s still stuck on the romantic atmosphere and they’re all so crazy in love… not. For us singles, anyway.

Of course, there’s the occasional crush and that super gorgeous guy in the movies that you’d absolutely want to marry someday… but you know you won’t anyway. That’s the thing. We get so hung up on guys who we know we have no chance in heaven or hell to be with, just so we can ignore all those guys around us who, truth be told, are our perfect matches: you just gotta look around you.

But the thing is, we’re still kids. We have so much of our lives ahead of us. And we’ve still got to do a lot of things, like graduate college, deal with peer pressure, and the pressure to do good in school, and after that, look for a job. Then comes the ‘look for a guy to start a family with’ phase. And with all that to get through, I know it’s still years before I seriously start thinking about settling with a guy.

I know I sound defensive and bitter, but I’m not, really. I think it’s just because I’m afraid to look now. Because I can’t handle pressure well, and I hate disappointing people who expect so much of me. I don’t want to look because I know that I won’t be a hundred percent committed to it. And when I do come to love someone, I want to love him with all my heart, not just some puppy love that I forget over the years. Not one that I’ll pretend to do or feel just because I’m lonely.

I’ve seen a lot of heartbreaks. I read about them a lot, too. But for me, they’re merely conventions. The things we accept when they happen in books and movies though they never happen in real life. I mean, I see this happen in real life too, and I saw how much it actually hurts. Because these heartbreaks, however much people think it’s just drama, actually do break your heart. I think, mostly, that’s what I’m afraid of.

But definitely, one day when I’m free of all these baggage I come with, I’ll be open to love. When it comes knocking at my door, I won’t refuse, I won’t be ignorant; on the contrary, I’ll just be a normal ‘girl’ for once and go with the flow.

Though that’s like a hundred years from now. Okay, maybe ten. I’ll update then.

Au revoir for now!

XOXO

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Author: Tracey Yap

Rantings of a raving med student

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